Thursday, April 19, 2012

The 2012 Crafting Olympics - Part 5

Green Knitted Dress - Ribbing

Even though their show was broadcast on a Saturday, Bob the Bobbinator liked to head into the office during the week, and do a bit of prep work. It was 'me time', as far as Bob was concerned. He could happily research the coming weeks events or sit quietly pondering which questions to ask the next crafting athlete coming in for an interview. It was peaceful, tucked inside his little hidey hole of an office, and far from the constant demands on his time that he encountered at his weekday job as head and founder of Genuine Lace Industries, Inc. What was once a small collective devoted to keeping alive the skills of handmade lace in the face of machine knitted lace was now a world famous lace heritage institution, with lace artisans flocking there from all over the globe to learn about the history and techniques of handmade lace, and to attend the many workshops and classes which were dedicated to keeping the fine skills alive. Don't get me wrong - Bob loved his job, but appreciated being able to sneak off occasionally and be someone other than the patron saint of lace, which so many viewed him to be. That grubby little office was his sanctuary, where he could enjoy other aspects of the textile world in relative quiet, and he relished the snatched hours he spent there.

His little bubble of peace was disturbed on this day, however, by the exultant entrance of Jean-Luc, who was laughing scathingly as he placed a series of photos on Bob's desk.
"Go ahead and look at the pretty pictures of your little friend!" said Jean-Luc, settling himself down in the easy chair wedged in the corner. "And what do we see? Is she chasing Olympic glory, stitch by stitch, making that green dress grow? No? Quelle horreur! She is buying wool for another project, and lookee here - casting on for it. What a dilemma! I believe it is against the rules to begin a new project whilst competing in a Crafting Olympics event. What a disgrace for her - to not only have broken the rules, but to have flaunted the action in public. It seems she will never win gold now. C'est dommage!"

Bob stared at the photos, open mouthed. It was true - the pictures did show Jorth knitting away on a project that was definitely not her Olympic marathon dress. Looking angrily up at Jean-Luc Bob said "I don't know what you are up to here, but you can just stop right now."

Jean-Luc dropped the smirk from his face, and was suddenly all business. "Oh, I will stop. I will stop as soon you have let me Tear You Down. If you do not want these pictures showing Jorth failing woefully in her marathon race, then you will go on the air and declare that you made a big mistake in publicly supporting her."

"I don't understand", said Bob. "What is it exactly that you have against the girl?"

"Oh, I have nothing against Jorth at all. It's you I want - she will just be unfortunate collateral damage. However, I can play nice - let's make a petite deal. I shall spare her from the public revelation that she has broken the rules if you promise me you will resign live on air after telling the world that you made a big mistake in backing her, and since you are such a big nincompoop who does not know what he is talking about, you can no longer trust yourself to broadcast."

"And then you get to have the show all to yourself", guessed Bob. "I get it. Still, the listeners will never believe it. Jorth is the best one in the field - do you really suppose all those people who tune in every week will believe that she won't come through with the goods?"

Jean-Luc threw back his head and laughed the laugh of the certain. "You saw the pictures yourself - as soon as she had purchased that new Debbie Bliss yarn, she couldn't help herself from casting on right then and there. A knitted dress marathon is a very long race, and Jorth has proven in those pictures that she was suffering project fatigue. She could not afford any distractions if she was to get the dress finished, but yet she succumbed to the temptation to give herself a break from the dress by starting up a new project, like so many failed knitted dress marathoners before her. There is nothing so hard to believe in that, especially since we both told our audience how it took her two long years to get that yoga wrap completed."

"S#*%!" said Bob, remembering that particular broadcast. "You sly macraméd runt. I bet you think you're pretty clever, don't you, spinning us into your web like that. Well, what if I decide not to play ball? I refuse to be blackmailed like this!"

"You can refuse all you like, but the fact is that Jorth has already broken the rules and could be disqualified anyway. Besides, if you don't resign on air like I want you to, then I shall reveal all about your shady lacey past."

"You're bluffing!" said Bob.

"Mon ami, I never bluff. It is too boring. But since you doubt, let me just say this: how are your friends over at the Chantilly Machine Lace Company these days?"

And with that parting shot, Jean-Luc pranced out of the room, savouring the shocked look on Bob's face.

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The 2012 Crafting Olympics - Part 1

The 2012 Crafting Olympics - Part 2

The 2012 Crafting Olympics - Part 3

The 2012 Crafting Olympics - Part 4

3 comments:

  1. I demand an enquiry. I'm sure Jean-Luc has tampered with the evidence!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh god, oh god, oh god. Has Bob had a comprehensive health screening recently? What kind of condition is his heart in? Will he be able to stand the pressure of Jean-Luc's evil plan? Oh!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Surely someone, somewhere has dirt on Jean-Luc so Bob can play him at his own game? I suspect there will be grainy, long-lens photos too. He seems that kind of weasel!

    ReplyDelete

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