Thursday, April 01, 2010

Watch out - Jorth is a trifle upset...

"You would think", thundered Jorth as she stormed into her counsellor's office and threw herself into a chair "that if you were so sick in bed that you were tossing and turning with feverish chills that your husband would be busying himself making you chicken soup and attending to your needs, but noooooooo! Instead he was guzzing wine and hijacking my blog! MY BLOG! I've worked for years on that thing, and he just swans in and writes any old crap he wants, and then gets offended when I don't find it funny. I won't have it, I tell you, I won't have it!"

"Calm down" intoned the counsellor. "It's just a website. I'm sure he meant no harm."

"No harm? The atrocious spelling alone could have lost me beloved readers! Before I had Grumbles I worked as a technical writer. It was my JOB to make sure everything was correctly parsed and spelt before releasing it into production, and here's him thumping away at the keyboard like an inebriated monkey letting things - ach, I can't even call them words - like 'keyoard' and 'dained' and 'zilp' in. And that's just in the first three sentences! Oh, and one more thing: one exclaimation mark usually does the trick. Three is just overkill, demonstrating insufficient restraint in regard to sentence-end puctuation devices!"

"Well surely you could let that slip?" said the counsellor, but Jorth glared at her angrily and snapped "Not on your nelly, sister!" Pausing to cross her arms angrily she continued "And look at him there bragging about all the history books he reads. Who the heck does he think BUYS him the damn books? Me, that's who! Every single decent history book he has ever read in his life has first been scrutinised by me, but you'd never know it by the way he smugly goes on about it. Tell you what, he won't look so darn smug when I start walloping him over the head with them! Those Norman Davies' ones weight a tonne - I bet I could inflict some real damage."

Before the counsellor could even open her mouth Jorth bellowed "And I ride my bike every day without making a big deal about. What, does he man think he's a hero because he rides to work without needing a shower? I almost got skedaddled by a cheese truck in the city the other day, but did I carry on about it? No! It could have been death by cheese van for old Jorthy, but I didn't feel the need to let the world know. A little blog dignity wouldn't go astray!"

The counsellor, wondering if she would regret this later, quickly said "Well maybe your husband thought the tone of the blog had been lowered once you began talking about your pap smears" but she needn't have worried because Jorth wasn't even listening. She was far too busy ranting about the next thorn in her side:

"Cats! I BLOODY HATE CATS and he damn well know it, so what does he go and do? Puts a stupid picture of Baby Bloody Ging on my blog. My blog is a cat free zone, and he has crossed the line. I'd bring that ugly piece of orange fur back to life if I could just so I could do it in!"

"Good grief!" said the counsellor. "Control yourself, Jorth!"

"You don't get it", snarled Jorth. "I had an extended bad experience with a pack of wild cats, and as I result I really, REALLY don't like them. This is grounds for divorce, you know. I could overlook the blog hacking, the poor spelling, the dissing of crafting but the cat thing has taken it too far!"

With that she rose abruptly and stomped out of the room. The counsellor stared at the door for a moment or two before writing on her client file sheet 'Irrational and intense dislike of cats. Explore further!!!'


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When not on my sickbed during the last few days I did manage to sneak in some knitting. Below, fresh off the needles, is a Baby Kimono from the Mason Dixon Knitting book by Kay Gardiner and Ann Shayne. I used some Bendigo Woollen Mills Classic 8ply in Musk that I had left over from this project, and the ribbon was left over from that project as well. Austerity crafting at it's best! Now I don't feel so bad about some naughty eBay yarn purchasing I may have done...

16 comments:

  1. Welcome back - hope you are fully recovered Jorth. Its a divine little kimono.

    I do have to say the Galumph is quite a funny chap ... but he did lower the craft quotient of your blog!

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  2. I always save your blog posts for when I get home from work - they always start my night off with a good laugh! And tonight is no disappointment. Love the kimono too.

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  3. Yikes - I was visited by a Melbournian! I know it it is totally irrevalent (both irreverent and irrelevant) but my footy team is over there this weekend. Since my blog is a (mostly) afl-free zone I thought I would mention it here. Leaving now :)

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  4. Tanya6:34 pm

    Your blog cheers me up so much. glad you are feeling better.

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  5. Irrational maybe, but at least you are back !

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  6. Sheesh. After three exclamation marks in one post, I reckon that calls for some buying-up-Ebay-BIG-time(!!!).

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  7. You make me laugh! I am so glad that your feeling better now though as I wasnt really looking forward to the review of history books! I love the knitting, just beautiful. Maybe you can go and spoil yourself with some shopping to make up for the blog hijacking. (My word verification for today is "teddie")

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  8. That's some good knitting progress for a sick girl!
    When do we get our next instalment of Galumph?

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  9. hehehehehe...glad you are back to your old self...love the musk colour too!

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  10. Kim Hood11:51 pm

    Welcome back Jorth! I wish I was as productive when I'm well as you seem to be sick. Perhaps I just shouldnt spend my time reading blogs...

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  11. Jenny7:40 pm

    Hang on, Ginger AND Baby Ging are both dead?
    Oh no!!!!!!!!!!

    Jorth, I overcame my intense fear of dogs after meeting some lovely little dogs and practicing being nice on them. Now I love them! I love cats, of course. Two of them live here.

    I rather liked the diversion into animals - could we perhaps have some more knitted bunnies, then?

    I take it this is a sign you're feeling better...

    My cat and kitten send their love.

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  12. *blanches at the thought of her dh taking over Miscellany of Me..disaster*

    Hey, that kimono sweater is awesome! Totally adorable!

    Glad you are feeling better! :D Not sure I could have handled many posts about software stuff. :p

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  13. Sounds like you're back to your normal self then?

    By the way, what's "puctuation"? ;)

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  14. Good lord. It seems our husbands were separated at birth. (Would you have married yours---truly?--if you'd known about the Spelling Issue?) So glad I popped in here...I needed a giggle and you certainly came through! Glad you're feeling better!

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  15. Sorry, didn't read the post properly yet, but I LOVE that cardigan and have been wishing for instant knitting skills so I can make Little Miss M one! I am pink with envy over it...

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  16. hahaha!!! love it! so glad i discovered your blog :) had a lovely laugh - thanks!!!

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