And a party isn't a party unless a dodgy plastic chair gives way under a guest.
And then that guest grabs the table to stop himself falling.
And then the table lurches alarmingly, sending everybody's glasses flying across the table, cascading liquid onto the floor.
However, no glasses broke!
Until later, when another guest, on his way out, banged the table and knocked off a wine balloon, sending glass shards scattering across the floor.
And a party certainly isn't a party unless the remaining guests stay until 2 in the morning, singing along to old daggy favourites on YouTube.
PS If you're wondering why I'm not holding a sparkler, it's because I am always convinced that they are going to take my eyes out. Now the secret's out.